"It's all Osborne's fault," he raged over lunch, "0.2% is a really small number, it's less than one, so it can't possibly be good. That VAT rise was outrageous, not to mention his damn spending review messing things up. He has recklessly choked last year's recovery not too mention he looks like a cast off from the Muppet Show."
No one had the heart to tell Mr. Balls that 0.2% of an economy worth hundreds of billions of pounds was still quite a sizable chunk of cash and that even if growth wasn't hitting predicted levels it was still going up.
When asked for a comment George Osborne was happy, "Just because we aren't hitting the predicted targets doesn't mean things aren't on the up. I once went to a psychic and she said that given time I would look like a real boy. So you see you can't trust these things."
Nick Pearce of Institute for Public Policy Research (IPPR) was even more wanked off by the statistics. "If the economy doesn't get back on track I'm right up shit creek. At this rate we'll only get about 1.2% annual growth and if I want to keep my kneecaps it needs to be at least 2.6%. That's the last time I gamble on the advice of Mystic Meg," he whimpered from behind the curtains.
"What more do people want?" continued Osborne, "Growth is growth, unemployment is going down and it isn't my fault if people have spent all their disposable income on a third rate athletics competition."
"That is completely unfounded and true," reacted Pearce, "The recession continues to be felt and the UK economy might as well still be in recession, even if it technically isn't."
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