Bob Crow of underground union Unite admitted today that the recent spate of strikes were due to tube workers wanting to wreak revenge on fun-loving commuters.Crow himself spoke from his humble throne made from ivory and children's tears this morning: "I'm amazed I have to spell this out for you all. The previous strike was planned for the Royal Wedding. My lads were furious at having to ferry around the smug bastards who were all getting a day off. So we decided to wipe the smiles off their stupid fat faces by leaving them no choice but to get on a bus or use a Boris bike. Unfortunately our demands were met so we had no choice but to give in". Up until now the union rep claimed it was over two staff members sacking (viewed by Crow and his colleagues as unjust) but the truth is finally out.
This will come as no surprise to people who complained their plans for Wimbledon were spoilt over the weekend. Crow continued; "I don't know about you but I fucking hate tennis. It's a stupid sport, the ball is too small and the thought of people cheering on that miserable turd Andy Murray makes me want to froth at the mouth. So we were determined to spoil their day, job done."
Crow touched on future plans to spoil children's birthday parties and religious holidays. "It's just a matter of getting it right really. Personally I'm glad the real reason is out in the open. With the tribunal date scheduled for those two idiots who are suspended we couldn't use it as an excuse forever. Best to come clean."
Boris Johnson who has been in talks with Crow was unavailable for comment. So we can assume he said something to offend the scousers.
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