Mexican Prison Bursts After Overcrowding

by Shaky Parkinson

A mass bursting at Nuevo Laredo Prison in Northern Mexico has left seven prisoners dead and fifty-nine thrown into the surrounding landscape.  The prison that lies only miles from the American border was being filled up with recent convicts from a national drug campaign but due to the influx was unable to take the strain and subsequently burst.

It appears the increasing bulges were first noticed on Friday and coupled with an increase in financial tightening put pressure on a pocket of guards who were forced to release the strain.  Five guards who were unavailable for comment due to their mysterious disappearance have been held accountable for, "Pussing out and opening the door.  Didn't those fools learn anything from watching Hillsborough?" Yelled Prison Warden, Jesus Pepe, after his nap.  Asked what plans he had to recapture the absconders he said, "It isn't my turn.  I did it in December and there was like 140 of them.  Hey, did I take my nap yet?"

The army was quickly called in to secure the burst building and prevent an even massier mass bulge out, much to the pleasing of President Calderon whose war on drugs pushed him to power in 2006.  "Well he got his war alright," whinged Calderon's main rival, "But I promise a war on prison overcrowding and drugs, so there."

More than 35,000 people have died since Calderon's campaign was put into place and so, "A few little prisoners aren't too much of a biggy.  They'll probably get shot on the border or something.  It'll blow over, just chill.  I better go lie down," he reassured reporters through a docile gaze.

What with more than 400 prisoners bursting forth in the last 18 months and prison bulging becoming more commonplace it seems what little pockets of resistance still stand are quickly being stuffed out.  People across the border say they aren't worried at this recent burst saying, "I just checked in with the realtor and the house price is still fine, so we are looking in good shape."

The Mexican drug cartels that are causing the bulging due to conflicts over smuggling routes into the US are fighting back strong and may mean a rise in prison bulging in the coming future.  Top political analyst, Jose Carlos commented, "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

As we can see drug cartels control all of the countries territory including Calderon's country house but will forcing the cartels into prison really solve the problem? "I dunno," he muttered between snores.