Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher Split

by Brutal Robbins

After hours of speculation Demi Moore, 48, has revealed that her marriage to Ashton Kutcher, 33, is soon to be no more. The story comes as a huge surprise to many fans seeing the couple’s public service announcement, taking a stand against child prostitution and human trafficking, only started in April of this year.

The couple, who tied the knot in September, 2005 have been on rocky ground for a while, reveals Moore in her press announcement.  “Yeah, things between me and Ashton have been a little weird as of late. “ Reveals Moore “Everything was fine at first, domination, kinky sex play, threesomes even a little backdoor action on his birthday. But this past year Ashton has developed a kind of obsession.”

When asked if she cared to elaborate on this statement Moore barely hesitated before saying “Ashton likes to pleasure himself, like most men, this in itself isn’t a strange habit. What Ashton was into though was doing that while watching my performance in Striptease. You know that movie I did a few years ago.”

“Well at first I was flattered, of course, what self respecting woman wouldn’t be, but now it’s gotten to that stage where he’s doing it on a too regular basis. Last month he did it thirteen times in one day, while I was in the house and when I asked him about it his response was to turn up the volume on the TV and continue with what he was doing. Well I just can’t take that kind of abuse.”

This revelation also explains why DVD sales of Demi Moores 1996, sex comedy, STRIPTEASE have sky rocketed recently. As Moore explained “Oh the DVD’s. He wares them out so quickly, he’s had to buy a new disc for every room of every house.”

The story seems to be a little deeper than Demi Moore is letting on however as only two hours after the press announcement Ashton Kutcher argued via his twitter feed that the problems between the couple have stemmed from Moore herself.

“That b**ch, she has a nerve. I broke it off with her because of her obsession with my performance in The Butterfly Effect. She keeps looking at that scene where I have no arms and I’m drowning in the tub, and she laughs. Then when she’s done she gets me to wrap up my arms and act out the scene for her in person, while she just sits there. One time I caught her trying to cut my real arms off while I slept.”

When asked if the rumours about him becoming obsessed with STRIPTEASE were true, the future TWO AND A HALF MEN star had this to say “That’s a load of horse s**t. I hate that movie, everyone does. The real reason the sales have been up lately is because Burt Reynolds has been lonely again.”

No doubt the truth as to what has really happened between the couple will be revealed over the coming weeks. When approached to give his side of the story, Burt Reynolds refused to comment.