Gordon Brown Jumps On Ethics Bandwagon In Bid To Be Remembered

by Shaky Parkinson

Former country wrecker Gordon Brown has today attacked News International over its "Disgusting" methods, "Ruthless tactics," and links to the "Criminal Underworld."  "I'VE been out of the limelight for a while and MY PR team said I should attack something big and this seemed the best candidate," the MP stated off the record, "I AM totally willing to rape the notion of ethics if it gets ME and MY POOR, POOR, ill son into the papers."

Asked what he thought about the phone hacking scandal he said, "It is outrageous and disgusting, but enough about that let's talk about ME.  You know they had MY bank details, MY details, it is a disgrace at the way MY personal information can be shared around without any regards to the consequences."  The rest of his mumbling about "Unlawful tactics, Milly Dowler and ordinary citizens," went unheard as our reporter was usurped by a man claiming to be himself.

Further questioning about his administration's dependence on spin journalism and his own alleged media abuses, Brown concluded the interview and ran out of the building, he later claimed, "In tears," but failed to make the exit after slipping on an ID card brochure.

Ed Miliband was quick to defend the MP by whoring himself out to the press with a visit to the Dowler family home.  Amidst winks at the assembled photographers he brought the now meaningless 'D' word into effect and demanded that the Tories sort out, "Justice for them," and that, "Action should be taken on a broad range of issues."

Asked to elaborate Miliband started sweating, blamed the Tories and ran out of the house to hide behind a nearby newsagents.  David Cameron was quick to respond with gritted teeth to say his heart, "Went out to Gordon and Sarah Brown."

Many detailed investigations, reports and investigations are already underway with a delighted Whitehall making many enthusiastic trips to the stationary cupboard.