Sympathy For Norway Waning

by Shaky Parkinson

After last weeks car bomb attack in Oslo, sympathy for poor old Norway has already turned into bitter resentment.  It seems the incident has quickly lost its global standing with many world leaders calling the Norwegians, "Babies," and to, "Just get over it."

It seems Jamaica's 'Chill Out' and France's 'Shit Happens' sympathy cards have fallen on unsympathetic ears and have been deemed rude and insensitive by the Norwegians.

"Count yourselves lucky this is the worse thing that has happened to your country since the War.  God forbid anything really disastrous happened.  You sour faced bastards would crumble at the shock," fumed one Global Leader, "How about we stick a tsunami up your ass and see how you cope!"

It seems the social Utopian image being emitted from Norway over the past fifty years was just a publicity stunt claims UN Intelligence.  What with Anders Breivik's initial car bomb causing instant racist attacks in the capital, The World is starting to lose their patience.  "It seems homegrown terrorism is too good for Norway," chimed one Nation.

What with Norway's 100,000 strong Muslim population being the motivation for Anders' violent quest the immigrant population are quite rightly getting very worried at these turn of events.  It seems a man whose appearance screams 'Nazi' was deemed normal enough to warrant a lower threat level than the terrorist cell, Al-Qaeda.

When asked to comment Al-Qaeda said, "Who or what is a Norway?  Are they make believe like the Smurfs?  Why would we blow up the Smurfs?  We love the Smurfs."  Indeed initial reports claim that most Muslims thought they were to blame for the attack which in turn didn't further their cause.

Amid the thousands of gushing mourners roaming the capital's streets there was a sheepish group of Somalians getting some suspiciously aggressive looks.  "It seems Anders' goal may see fruition yet," whispered one Muslim Mother, "The shock of the event is too much for their small Liberal minds to handle and a backlash could potentially happen at anytime."

The killings have only highlighted the fact that behind their clean socialist image the Norwegians are just as racist and fractured as the rest of humanity.  "This really is a wake up call for the buggers," alleged David Cameron, "They should be counting themselves lucky the Death Toll went down.  I never catch a break."

Plans for a national Norwegian field trip to Somalia have met with large scale global enthusiasm but little encouragement at home.  "We'd love to go," grieved one Griever, "But there is just too much grieving to be done and we don't want to get contaminated with whatever it is they have over there."

Unfortunately Norway has failed to learn their lesson with a ten fold increase in national security coupled with fear at an all time monstrosity.  It seems a home grown political attack is still not their fault and the whole world should drop whatever it is doing and join in with their grief.

In response The World said, "They were washing their hair."