TAURUS: This month is one of productivity. Stick with the shelving and the sex swing, you have a tough time ahead of you but the results will be worth the wait.
GEMINI: Someone had to come up trumps.
CANCER: Some fierce scuttling will prove necessary as the bailiff's come calling. You will also get herpes and probably aids.
LEO: Love is on the horizon it's just a shame your car will break down before you get there, but remember to be true to your self, a small tip will allow you the chance to buy those track pants you've been eyeing.
VIRGO: You'll start to view people differently and with Mars budging up against Saturn now would be the right moment to begin an affair with your secretary.
LIBRA: Now is a great time to explore your sexuality. Keep an eye open for chance encounters at farm outlets, stables and pet shops.
SCORPIO: New life is on the way and the tea can wait, it's time to sit your partner down and discuss your relationship before they head off to the shops.
SAGITTARIUS: Be open to suggestion and listen to those around you. Bettering yourself is key to happiness and a can of deodorant is not a huge purchase.
CAPRICORN: It's been a tough month so indulge yourself. A little rape is always a necessary addition to any healthy society.
AQUARIUS: The moon plays a crucial element in this months festivities, but be warned, a joke can be taken too far and indecent exposure is still a felony. |
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PISCES: With the high volumes of special offers available, now would be the perfect time to take Mr. Tinkles off his meds. If you let that cough worsen it could cost you in the long run.
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