PM's Trip Cut By Three Days

by Shaky Parkinson

David Cameron was today peeved at plans to cut his sojourn to South Africa by three days because of the absolute mess caused by News International's alleged phone hacking activities.  "This is bollocks," he sulked to his scheduling committee, "Why can't I stay the full five days, it's Mandela's Birthday Party and everything.  I miss all the fun."

Today's resignation of Met Commissioner, Sir Paul Stephenson, has put increasing pressure on the Prime Minister to shorten his trading holiday.  "It's probably best the PM doesn't look like he is running away, even if the weather over their is looking pretty good," stated the PM's head of staff.

Cameron was even more upset when the trade meetings he had planned were all squished together and his trip to the beach was cancelled.  "This is so unfair, I wanted a nice little dip in the ocean and now I'm stuck talking to people.  I bought a new bucket and spade and everything.  It is so boring, can't they just do what I say and go away," he whined while dragging his suitcase to the meeting.

"I couldn't go swimming in China, India or Afghanistan and now I'm stuck in board meetings.  I can see the beach from the window.  It isn't fair.  I should have gone to Mexico with Cleggy," he commented.

Asked if he could comment on his hiring of ex News Of The World Editor, Andy Coulson he groaned, "How was I supposed to know he was a bit dodgy? I'm a politician, we're all dodgy.  If it wasn't for journalists I wouldn't have anyone fun to talk to.  I only hired him because of his Bob The Builder Lunchbox."

Elaborating he claimed that, "Andy also came with a letter of recommendation from himself which the others didn't have so I couldn't not give him the job, he may have told his Mum on me.  That doesn't excuse his hacking of people's phones.  He is such a twathead.  I hope he gets locked up and never sees a beach as long as he lives.  Does he realise how busy I am now and I haven't even brushed my teeth."

The PM was suddenly ushered away from the press for nap time and colouring in leaving Theresa May to talk to the press.  "No one put any pressure on Sir Paul to resign, it seems Neil Wallis' involvement got the better of the old codger.  These fucking journalists are really just dicking around at the wrong time.  This mess is really going to spill over into the summer break," she sighed.

As usual Labour had nothing constructive to say in the matter.