Sunday 17 July 2011

American Woman To Sue Over Fart

by Shaky Parkinson

Rufus Loose, a shop clerk from Chicago, will appear in court today after being sued by a fellow bus passenger over an alleged fart he released into her vicinity during a trip on the 146 Red Line Circuit.

Ms. Laurie Sniffs has triggered the lawsuit after she inadvertently partook of the noxious excretion on her way home from work.  "I was disgusted, one minute I was looking forward to a roast chicken dinner then my life was flipped into chaos," she sobbed in court, "This event has triggered deep emotional scarring, traumatic tendencies and whiplash."

Ms. Sniffs' Lawyer, Gary Exploit of Opportunistic and Sons Ltd, is thrilled with how today's trial turned out.  "It's early days but we have got him on the runs, that slippery bastard is not going to get away with this.  I want this silent and deadly issue to brought to the forefront of public knowledge.  We can't have people going around letting one slip on public transport." he yelled at a press conference.

Rufus sheepishly took the stand earlier on claiming, "It just slipped out."  He went onto attack Ms. Sniffs of talking 'hot air' and being an inconsiderate passenger, "I couldn't help it, I had explosive diarrhea and was really holding back the flood gates, your lucky all you got was an eggy whiff."

The trial went into recess this afternoon with the coming of new evidence by a fellow Passenger that may prove Ms. Sniffs was indeed, "Talking really really loudly into her iPhone that had Willow Smiths' 'Whip My Hair' as its ringtone."  Mr. Loose's Lawyers claimed that if the evidence is indeed tangible we will be counter suing as, "Loud phone conversations are likely to cause irritation, anger and whiplash, something that my client has been afflicted with since the incident."

While rumours of a counter suing were in full force Ms. Sniffs' Lawyers came back with a counter counter lawsuit claiming that Mr. Loose's shopping was, "Taking up an extra seat and if she had been pregnant there would have been nowhere for her to sit."

In a radical move Ms. Sniffs' Lawyers also issued the Judge with a mandate for, "Not taking the case seriously."  When asked for a comment Ms. Sniffs said she was suffering from too much whiplash and trauma to answer any questions.

The case is set to spiral out of control when the Driver came forward claiming, "No one said thank you when alighting from the bus," but was in turn counter sued when allegations of his missing a stop, "Causing Ms. Old Lady Wilkins to get off 800 metres down the road instead of outside her house."

The outcome of the multiple lawsuits will indeed take months if not years to seep through the Courts who are hoping that a, "Fair settlement and implementation of justice can prevail."

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