After his car bomb protest in Oslo went relatively unnoticed by security forces, Breivik drove his silver van the 25 miles North West to Utoeya in a bid to, "Really make his point." It was here that he strategically impersonated a police officer and used his cunning disguise to gate crash the party.
When asked, "To come out and play," the lack of resulting enthusiasm from his victims, "Was a huge mistake," claimed one Survivor. "In our defense he was really creepy," gibbered another could have been, "We told him it was a Socialist Youth Camp and that as a Right-Wing Fundamentalist Racist we didn't want to play with him. It was a bit of a shame because he had brought some cool guns to share with us."
Upon being rejected a second time Breivik reportedly, "Flew off the handle and started shooting the shit. Literally." "He was an animal," said one Youngster, "We tried to hop foot it into the lake but he kept shooting at us." Some children were able to hide in nearby caves and shrubs but that didn't stop Breivik in his murderous rampage.
It took police 40 minutes to arrive on the scene and a further hour to finish their coffee and begin operations. In that time Breivik had decide to stop his rampage but having noticed that his point was still going unquestioned he continued the massacre with renewed vigour by shooting all of the dead bodies a second time, "For some real emphasis."
Eventually Police confronted the killer who gladly put down his guns to be lead away for questioning which later showed the attack to have been motivated, "By being left out and ignored. They know how much I love the big parachute and campfires. It was really hurtful not just emotionally, but physically. Some people just don't know how that feels." Asked why he chose to make his point by murdering 100 innocent people he claimed it was, "Gruesome but necessary."
Detectives were shocked as to Breivik's actions asking him, "Why didn't you just do something dull like any normal Scandinavian?" In response Breivik claimed to be, "Thinking outside the box," and that he, "Wouldn't use an ammunition crate as a control next time."
The government is today looking into the incident to get to the route of why Mr. Breivik's invitation was never sent out. Initial evidence hints that Breivik had been unhappy about the situation for many years, having voice his opinions in Anti-Muslim videos on YouTube, a feed on Twitter and during his eight year stint as a member of Norwegians' Right-Wing Progress Part. There was even more swearing when it was revealed that he had recently bought six tonnes of artificial fertiliser for, "Use on his farm," and that his national service training had left him in legal possession of two firearms.
"This was always on the cards and it was a rookie mistake that we didn't cater a political event to silence this fundamentalist fuck nut. I blame myself. And also him," sobbed Norwegian Prime Minister, Jens Stoltenberg.
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