by Shaky Parkinson
A typically Russian Olympic torch relay began this morning in Moscow where the flame started its 40,000 mile journey to the town of Sochi in time for the Winter Games in February. The flame is set to travel across the Arctic Ocean, underwater and be blasted into space in one of the most pretentious administrative tasks in history.
Barely a mile from the podium and trouble set in when former swimming champion Shavarsh Karapetyan was dismayed to find that the flame had jumped ship while still in sight of the Kremlin wall. "Probably doesn't dig the cold," he chuckled as a Security Guard tried desperately to reignite Russia's hopes of a gloriously impressive opening ceremony.
"I can't see."
"Surely that counts as a loss?" stated renowned Olympic hater Shaky Parkinson, "I'm not an expert, especially when it comes to people running around in circles, but I do know that when a flame is extinguished and needs to be relit then you are dealing with a different flame just the same gas source and container and I'm pretty sure those rolled off a production line a few months back so I can't see how any form of tradition or ceremony can really be kept alive with this farce."
He continued, "You honestly think that they've kept a flame alive since 1936, with these gas prices? What does it say when you're on your understudy after three hundred metres? This is just another example of how the Olympics is a pretentious load of twaddle. The Olympics is hardly Wimbledon or the Tour De France, neither of these events dick around with 123 day televised warm up jog and they are much cooler."
"It sputtered."
Despite the problems, and the cold weather tens of mistakenly dressed individuals eagerly lined the streets around the Kremlin for a brief glimpse of the flame as it sputtered its way from the stage. With many people offering up their thoughts of the event;
"We gave it a good run and in all fairness Karapetyan was looked a tad tired already. Probably best it's over. Should save us a few bob," noted one spectator.
"My Olympic dream is dead," sighed another.
"Just goes to show you," commented a third.
"This is a PR disaster," was overheard behind the stage.
"I thought it was brilliant," continued Shaky Parkinson, "It was the most human and honest thing I have seen in months."
It is hoped that the torch relay will continue on its journey unimpeded and without incident as the organisers look towards the heavens and shiver.
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| Flame Off. |
Barely a mile from the podium and trouble set in when former swimming champion Shavarsh Karapetyan was dismayed to find that the flame had jumped ship while still in sight of the Kremlin wall. "Probably doesn't dig the cold," he chuckled as a Security Guard tried desperately to reignite Russia's hopes of a gloriously impressive opening ceremony.
"I can't see."
"Surely that counts as a loss?" stated renowned Olympic hater Shaky Parkinson, "I'm not an expert, especially when it comes to people running around in circles, but I do know that when a flame is extinguished and needs to be relit then you are dealing with a different flame just the same gas source and container and I'm pretty sure those rolled off a production line a few months back so I can't see how any form of tradition or ceremony can really be kept alive with this farce."
He continued, "You honestly think that they've kept a flame alive since 1936, with these gas prices? What does it say when you're on your understudy after three hundred metres? This is just another example of how the Olympics is a pretentious load of twaddle. The Olympics is hardly Wimbledon or the Tour De France, neither of these events dick around with 123 day televised warm up jog and they are much cooler."
"It sputtered."
 |
| Vladimir Putin and onlookers. |
"We gave it a good run and in all fairness Karapetyan was looked a tad tired already. Probably best it's over. Should save us a few bob," noted one spectator.
"My Olympic dream is dead," sighed another.
"Just goes to show you," commented a third.
"This is a PR disaster," was overheard behind the stage.
"I thought it was brilliant," continued Shaky Parkinson, "It was the most human and honest thing I have seen in months."
It is hoped that the torch relay will continue on its journey unimpeded and without incident as the organisers look towards the heavens and shiver.
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