"Not This Shit Again," Sigh American Government

by Shaky Parkinson

"We can totally explain that one."

A 5,000 strong petition has been submitted to the American Government nagging them to release proof of the existence of Extra-terrestrials.  The petition was submitted through the 'We The People' website with the endorsement of 17,000 signatories.  The Government responded with a resolute sigh and a decision to up the signature requirement to 25,000.

"There is no evidence for life in the universe," commented space policy expert Phil Larson of the White House, "This isn't the X-files, everyone knows we only play Mulder and Scully on Halloween and even then the costumes aren't great.  There is no proof of the existence of Extra-terrestrials, can you lot please let this one go and find some other meaning in your lives?"

"No," responded former abductee, Skip Millgrass, "They're out there man.  I've got photos man, I can prove it."

"Then why do you need evidence from us?" retaliated Larson.

"Because no one will believe it man, you gotta be in a suit for that shit to fly," stated Millgrass, "That and the photos got lost man, I dunno where but they're gone.  But I know, I 've seen 'em.  What about Roswell?  They said it was an alien."

"The press said it was an alien," claimed Larson, "They also claimed that the recession was over and that one bit them up the cock.  What crash landed in Roswell was top secret and also very very dull and unalienlike."

"Do you think we waste time looking for little green men when the Russians are on the loose?  We've got far more important things to worry about.  The countries up the shitter and you're worried about avoiding an anal probe?  Get some perspective."

"Perspective?  They know man, puff, they fucking know," countered Millgrass.

"Fine," raged Larson, "They do exist, there's millions of them and they are flying all over the place bumming anything that moves and what's worse is that they do it for pleasure.  There's no science involved, its all a big laugh to them.  Will that make you sleep better at night cos' its a load of my mind."

"I told you man, puff, they know.  They got no proof, so that means they can't not exist.  If there were no Aliens then there should be a folder on it or something.  They got nothing."

The debate is set to continue due to the lack of supporting evidence the White House has to back up its claims that the aliens do not exist and it appears believers everywhere will not have their beliefs shaken and the struggle for truth rages on.

"No it doesn't, they don't fucking exist.  Have you taken in a single word I've said?"