Staff Memo: News Guff Annual Winter Picnic

Dear Staff,

Thanks for coming out to the Staff do, it was one of the best we've had.  I'm not sure the Foie Gras Trifle was necessary Robbins but the thought was much appreciated even if the response was highly insincere.  Sorry about the barbecue but once it got going the steel frame did heat up well and really lent itself to some good cooking and that home made Brandy you brought acted as cracking lighter fuel Jack.

It's a shame the weather wasn't better but once the sun went in things did pick up as you well know what with being there and all.  I have to say that Mr. Collins was an absolute delight and I'm sure he'll make you very happy Jack.  And you were right, he does look like Richard Bacon, it is always good to find an account with a bit of humour.

Enough of that, the main reason for the memo is to give you a quick run down of the damages to the park.  It comes out at an even three grand so I thought we'd go quids in and split it between the three of us.  Although being the main perpetrator of the vandalism I am happy to cover a larger share what with it being subscription month.  I'm sure the News Guff Meerkat is dead by now what with Robbins' contribution to the Lion conservation fund but I just don't have the heart to send back the monthly brochures.

I babble, the damages are as follows:

- One picnic table (Clearly a joint effort).
- Three Dutch Elms (Pricy fuel but incredibly effective).
- One floral display (Although are rearrangement was far superior if I do say so myself).
- A further Dutch Elm (Less said about that the better).
- One Warden's hut (I'll query that one).
- A set of playground swings (Kudos on the 1080).
- Five to thirty bottles of lighter fuel (I lost count).
- Seventeen vacuum cleaners.
- One Vacuum shop manager (We get billed if he isn't found by the seventeenth).
- Two police horses.
- A ceremonial Gavel from the Pickerton wine tasting society.
- A further two Dutch Elms (I get the impression they were following us).
- A replacement pair of flip flops (I have no recollection of the suggestion to attempt the tidal crossing so we're all chipping in).
- A further two Dutch Elms (The more said about that the better).
- Two sets of post-its, one stationary cupboard and a set of unbreakable pens.
- One complete set of patio chairs.
- The front gate of 47 Williamson Drive (I know he deserves it but the bugger is a Judge).
- And three snazzy bakers aprons from the Gregg's factory (They cannot actually prove this one and if we are all in favour of installing them as our official uniform then enough said)

I think that covers it.  I'll take the limo costs out of the petty cash and look forward to seeing you for the Christmas Bash next June.

Champion

Shaky