Greece Attempt Suicide, Again

by Shaky Parkinson (It feels lonely in the office, it's like I'm the only one here)

Greek Prime Minister George Papapapandreou has once again sent his country into turmoil with threats of suicide.  Earlier this week George toyed with his country by issuing an abrupt statement in which he threatened to end Greece's life, "I'll do it, I'll take this referendum and end it all.  Just try me."

Luckily Finance Minister Evangelos Venizelos called his bluff by citing the fact that if a mass suicide was implemented George would be partaking of it alone.  After some baby banter George was later forced to take back the threat and secure assurances that his popular idea was not to be acted upon.

"Fuck the world," raved George, "We don't need them or their fucking lies.  This is Greece.  Fuck off.  We'll do what we want, it got us this far."

"I'm not convinced this plan is a good one," butted in Venizelos, "I've been talking to other countries and as far as they're concerned it seems they are unanimously agreed that living is the best course of action and I agree.  I cannot imagine death would prove beneficial to our global standing so I have urged the country to ignore Papa George's ravings.  If we're lucky he'll take the first sip of the punch when we pretend to go along with his 'vision'".

As things stand Greece's official stance on life is positive but only by a slim majority.  With the upcoming holiday rush it is thought anything as simple as a fight for the last Buzz Lightyear could prove fatal to the populace as a whole.

The decision to stay alive caused a sigh of relief to be heard throughout the global community as no one was really in the mood to clean up the potential mess.