Berlusconi Partied Out

by Shaky Parkinson

Silvio Berlusconi has today announced that he is retiring from politics and stepping down as Prime Minister of Italy.  "I'm exhausted," he claimed from his hot tub, "I've served for too long and I'm partied out.  It's time to step back and let in some new blood.  We should all live by example."

Mr. Berlusconi is Italy's third longest serving Prime Minister with a grand total of nine and a half years service under his belt and at seventy-five has decided to call it quits and lead a quieter life.  "I've been in the partying game for years now and I've seen it all, so I'm going to take my billions of Euros and take it easy.  Just me, thirty hookers and a big mansion in Milan."

He continued, "The government is not like it was in my day.  Things have changed, now it's all recession this and recession that and the whole thing has just left me behind.  I don't feel old, I mean look at me, but I just don't understand these new ways.  It's all a mystery."

"It's about time the randy cunt left," cited one disgruntled Voter, "He's been hoarding all the sexy woman and it's about time some of them were turfed out of the cabinet for us to fondle.  It's just not on."

The BBC's Alan Johnston had this to say, "Mr. Monti could well be the man to take over the rule of the country but I don't think he has that wild streak in him to be a successful Prime Minister.  Blair had his charisma, Bush had his stupidity and all Mr. Monti has is a well versed career counting bank notes and that won't fly with the ladies."

"This is tragic," claimed one Prostitute, "Without Silvio there is no one to pay us loads of money and give us an easy pass into the entertainment industry.  This Mr. Monti sounds like a fruit juice salesman and frankly that isn't the kind of thing we go for.  It's more the money and the parties, but the parties are going to become a thing of the past.  It is very very sad."

Silvio sorting out the G8 summit

Despite certain objections to Berlusconi's resignation the general feeling is that he has outstayed his welcome and that his partying ways were not inclusive of a modern day Italy.  "They were just to snobby and didn't take into account our views.  They just didn't stop to think of the consequences and just kept on partying without any regard to the damage it would do to the country's health," claimed one Partygoer.

Berlusconi is set to resign tomorrow after an intervention took place this afternoon where his closest aids and colleagues gave him a full account of his doings that caused the Prime Minister to break down and admit his lifestyle may be getting a bit much for the cabinet and that it was time to let go.

"I'll be gone but not forgotten," he claimed, "The legend and the hair will live on."