"It's Called Battle For A Reason," Claims Man In Battle

by Shaky P (It's back)

As winter sets in and archaeologists are once again forced to down tools and turn their attention to their textbooks, a fresh debate is being raged within the historical community as to the exact location of the Battle at Hastings.  For centuries the Battlefield has always thought to lie on the appropriately named village of Battle in East Sussex.

It is now being argued that the actual site of the battle lies two miles down the road at the nearby hamlet of Crowhurst.  "It must be in Crowhurst," whinged historian Arthur Past, "We don't have much to go on but if we dug up the area and did some investigation I'm sure we would be proven right.  Or not."

He went on to waffle, "It is hugely important to get the exact location spot on.  We cannot understand the battle if we are looking at it in a different way.  How will we ever understand the mind of King Harold without such vital information?"

When told that after a millennia there isn't a place on Earth that would look the same Mr. Past was unfortunately hitting the tea and biscuits and we were unable to pursue the argument, although the words, "It could be the same," were heard murmured through a mouthful of soggy Battenburg.

Battle is proud of its heritage and it has been a tourist trap for hundreds of years.  "It's called Battle for a reason," claimed one Local, "You wouldn't stand in London and say it was Calcutta would you?  Morons."

Jane Downer who runs the local gift shop was very passionate about the theory, "It's bollocks," she screeched, "These historians are just bored again.  We get this every winter but it'll blow over in a month or two.  I hardly think someone in the past would just up and change the location of such a significant Battle without good reason," she huffed from amidst the shadows of the Bayeux Tapestry prints.

After hearing about the theory, the Local Amateur Historians Club of nearby Catsfield were quick to issue a statement claiming, "We had the Battlefield way before Battle did.  Forget Crowhurst we are point three miles closer to Battle and are the rightful owners of the site.  It is locally known that Battle stole it from us in 1323.  Catsfield used to be named 'It's Here' but after the theft we had to change our name and the only thing we had of note was the fucking Cat Sanctuary and we've been unhappy with it since."

Annette Downey, Landlady of The Plough in Crowhurst says, "We don't want that shit coming here and ruining our village.  They can keep it."

Professor Mick Michael Mitchelson of Oxford University and expert in everything has contributed, "The site could be anywhere.  The true location doesn't matter, we'll just follow around the money.  Who knows what the Norman's got up to?  And the Tudor's were a damn nightmare.  I don't think there has been a more indecisive moment in our entire history.  To be honest I don't really care, it's not like we won."

It seems news of the argument has headed as far North as the Outer Hebrides with one Nick Hutch claiming, "The Battle of Hastings originally took place on the Isle of Lewis as far back as 678 and I've got photos to prove it."

Whatever the outcome, it seems the matter will always be in dispute until further evidence can be found to support the claims and it will be many years before Battle has to give up its booming tourist trade, if at all.