Yokel Finds Batcave, and Listeners

by Shaky Parkinson

Cretin's current project (Begun 1976)

Local yokel Wilbur Cretin has today laid down claims that he has uncovered The Batcave and that it is buried underneath his shed.  A rant was quickly organised at Cretin's local drinking establishment, The Dick and Duck.

Amid slurs Wilbur is said to have, "Tripped over a Batarang that was sticking lodged under some turf in the garden.  After I got out the shovel and dug down I found myself a Batcave."

Pressed by the press Wilbur elaborated, "There wer' all sort o' gadgets and gizmo' down there.  I found this one ting tha' look very much like a utility belt but I was out of soap so as couldn't clean up tha logo.  But it twas mighty sospicious."

Asked if he thought that this Batcave predated the current Bale Hangout, Cretin had this to say, "I'm no genius, but my cave 'ad plans for Gotham City's foundation and a list o' possible names."  Upon examination the beer soaked scrap clearly showed the favourite choice for the now Gotham City was actually Bollocksville. The numerous signatures, ticks and comments such as, 'I like this one best' have led current Mayor Sebastian Hady to draw up plans for a renaming ceremony.

Cretin has already laid out plans for a Batman style theme park including museum, Batcafe and villain themed petting zoo.  The excitement was only broken up when Cretin's next door neighbour, one Mr. S. Mear claimed that his rockery covers half of the cave's most notable features, specifically the toilets.

The dispute lasted sometime until finally a truce was offered on the condition that S. Mear gets to name all the pets in the zoo after his Great Aunt Patricia Penguin.  A quick rendition of the Batman Theme concluded events and a date for the park's opening was set for yesterday.

Batman was unavailable for comment.