Hottest October On Record

by Shaky Parkinson

Statistics released today have shown this October to be the hottest on record.  Despite being only a single day into the month experts have claimed that the spill over from last month has forced recorded levels to an all time high, thus making it very hot.

"I can't believe it," stated one Shopper, "There is totty everywhere.  Usually when September begins you buckle down into the online porn but for no reason there are scantily clad hotties everywhere.  And Christmas is coming up too.  Result."

We asked noted pervert, Randy Peeps, what he made of the situation.  "It really is an anomaly," he commented, "I've been out and about and cannot find a single reason why the ratio of attractive women is on the increase.  It is baffling, but maybe there are just some things better left unknown and simply appreciated.  PHWOOOOAAAR!!!"

"I'm not sure what is occurring here but I'm getting very hot under the collar and I can say this to be a good thing," continued the Shopper.

"Although this freak occurrence is thoroughly enjoyable it is by no means setting any trends," continued Peeps, "We all know how fickle and unpredictable these things can be but we have to remember that records only go back as far as 1906 and we all know how randy the Victorians were.  I'd recommend we just take things in our stride and simply enjoy the climate.  If we get our hopes up about this becoming a permanent fixture we may end up being very disappointed.  Now pass me those binoculars and that blanket."

Experts say the level of hotties is only going to increase over the coming fortnight and recommend that when leaving your house you should carry with you the appropriate protection.