"We're Back," Whinge BNP, "And This Time We're Trying Fraud."

by Shaky Parkinson

A former British National Party administrator, Marion Thomas, has claimed that the party falsified invoices to create the illusion of huge debts during the 2010 election simply to detract attention from its fascist standpoint.  Thomas is said to have been sickened by the events, "Apparently I'm sickened by the events.  Falsifying legal documents before submitting them to the Electoral Commission is an horrific act.  It detracts from all our hard work attacking black's and immigrants and in my opinion goes against our party's core ideals."

"We've made a mistake," claimed Nick Griffin, Party Chairman, "The racism angle only had so much mileage.  Rookie mistake.  If we are going for the big votes we're going to have to play the sympathy card.  Besides we could use any press at the moment.  A bit of fraud was a logical step, plus it means we can fudge the accounting and give Danny and the Boys some much needed acting work.  Check it, that's three birds, one stone."

The media strategy thought up by the party has been deemed 'Epic' amongst strategists.  We spoke to Jim Smartypants who was wearing a white coat, "Smashing stuff.  The way they have taken on a new angle to get themselves some sympathy while still harbouring incredibly dangerous racist tendencies is something special.  I'm thinking of adopting the policy on home ground.  A quick word with Mrs. Smartypants claiming that the recession caused us to cut back the handbag allowance and that whole secretary over the desk business will be a thing of the past.  They've got my vote."

"See, we've got his vote," chimed in Griffin.

It is still unclear how the BNP managed to believably falsify debts of £570,000 but the rising cost in baseball bats is being used as a go to.  "Finger pointing and picketing are expensive work," stated Griffin, "And then the photocopier bust so you can see how things spiralled out of control.  We had no choice but to fake the invoices, things were desperate.  We've had no press coverage and our image was sending us into obscurity.  We came this close to a party collapse, then where would democracy have been?  We did this for you Britain.  Even if you disagree with our methods, views and whole manifesto you can at least have a good old bitch about us, and isn't that a reason for voting BNP?"

The BNP deny any wrongdoing but adamantly claim to have been instrumental in any rightdoing.