Nick Knowles To Save The World

by Shaky Parkinson

Nick Knowles, presenter of the television show DIY S.O.S has been summoned by the United Nations to save the world.  It seems that the global crisis has hit meltdown and the world is in need of a hero.  "It is a desperate move." chimed Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, "We are simply out of options and are going to have to call in the big guns.  We've been trying to get him for months now but after that bungalow in Aberystwyth we had no choice but to postpone our plans until now."

Knowles, who has gained admiration and devotees with such hard hitting shows as Departure Lounge and City Hospital, was thrilled at the prospect.  "I just want to help.  We'll get the crew sorted and head off ASAP," he stated in a press conference.

The plan is for Knowles to travel around the world passing through some of the biggest political and religious hot spots culminating in a globally televised sermon on Golgotha to bring peace to the Holy Land.  "I'm really looking forward to Greece, Libya and Northern Ireland," Knowles claimed while packing his swimming trunks.

The UN have unanimously backed the plan and feel that if Knowles can knock together a hideous looking bedroom in a few hours a shot at world peace should be easy.  "I can't believe we didn't think of this before," stated Ki-Moon, "I mean the whole thing's a no brainer.  Most people can't knock up a flat pack shelving unit and he's been doing it for twenty one series, plus specials."

The Nick Knowles World Tour is set to depart from Gatwick later on this afternoon and it is expected he can wrap things up by the 27th August just in time to start work on a flat in Wigan.