Tuesday 2 August 2011

Syria Jump On Civil War Bandwagon

by Shaky Parkinson

Syria has descended into Civil War with last week's celebrations culminating in a huge open-air party in Hama on Sunday.  "We just had to do it," said one Citizen, "If it's good enough for Tunisia then its good enough for us.  This is going to be such a blast."

It is reported that around 140 people were killed in this weekend's shindig and that further deaths have been reported since.  "We knew that some life would be lost, I mean this is a civil war," claimed one Resident, "We are just trying to keep it as civil as possible but so far it isn't working."

"We may have bitten off more than we can chew," sited one Gang Leader, whose name we cannot print due to knowledge reasons.  "We forgot that even though we have lots of guns, the army has better ones.  I'll be honest with you the planning was really left by the wayside.  You really cannot wing a Civil War. Oh well, best foot forward.  AAAAAHHHHHH!!!" he screamed fleeing the confines of the building.

When asked for a statement the Syrian Army was quoted as saying, "We entered into this conflict on good faith but now we are paying the price.  The resistance has been somewhat lacking in pizzazz, we thought our Civil War would be cooler than the others but it has just descended into anarchy and death like all the rest."

It seems the poor state of affairs is causing a lot of tension within all camps and it is feared a violent outbreak may occur.  During a 'Time Out' period the opposing leaders all met and decided the only way to salvage the War was, "By keeping the UN out of it.  We don't want those Western chumps gate crashing our party like they did Libya's.  If we keep them off the guest list our Civil War will be unique and we'll have the edge."

The news sparked a unity between the opposing sides and another celebration was held in the town of Albu Kamal were a 13-year-old boy was quickly shot dead by security forces.  With Abdul and Rami heading down the shops for a fresh supply of ammunition the party is set to be the biggest in the countries history and eclipse all other Civil Wars that have gone before.

The UN was much put out by the decision to exclude them and have gone into mumblings at their New York headquarters.

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