Chinese Whispers Gets Out Of Control

by Shaky Parkinson

After a recent investigation by Scotland Yard's Technological Detectives Unit a culprit for last weeks rioting has been identified.  The widespread riots that caused chaos in London and other leading cities across England resulted in the death of four men and billions of pounds damage to businesses and the economy.

It seems that the origin of these terrible events can be traced back to the social networking site Facebook.  In particular one single message posted on the morning of 6th August by Tommy Collins that read, "Cereal's lonely, need milk from the shops."

It seems this catalyst triggered a serious case of Chinese Whispers that brought the country to the brink of Civil War claimed Scotland Yard's report.  "As usual events such as these always have a starting point," claimed DC Piggins, "Mr. Collins was unfortunate that his little quip was the catalyst for the worst case of Chinese Whispers ever to grace our country.  We've never seen anything like it.  The story just didn't come full circle.  Those poor cornflakes."

The report states the confusion as instant, with Collins' bit on the side Sally ('In A Relationship With') instantly heading to Top Shop for, "A ruckus of epic proportion."  Things went from shit to chaotic when Sally's message to her chum down in Croydon claiming she was, "Just nipping off for a quick loot," was mistakenly passed on as, "Free stuff and riots in town, BRING FIRE!!!"

From then on a chain reaction of University friends and old school buddies that are their to bump up the numbers caused widespread miscommunication, "On an epic scale of epical epicness," continued DC Piggins, "Facebook really isn't the place for stupidity.  Look at what can happen when one moron mistakes the ravings of a quirky maniac.  It's a wonder the country is still standing."

Social Networking Specialist Peter Dullard had this to say, "This is a freak occurrence.  There is always the off chance that a rogue trail of Chinese Whispers could break free and evolve into an unstoppable train of shit, but that is no reason to blame social networking.  Please don't blame it, without it I won't have friends."

"This goes beyond the normal cock jokes around the table and the silly billy antics of pass the parcel," stated David Cameron, "This is a level of miscommunication only previously experienced in trying to recite the alphabet whilst pissed or in a Coen Brothers' flick.  With the Blackberry culture booming there was no way of stopping the whisper.  I'm just happy with the police's reaction to the riots or maybe not, depends how the press want to swing it."

I spokesperson from Specsavers said, "They should have gone to Specsavers."