Norway Are Taking The Piss

by Shaky Parkinson (Fucking Norwegians, I suppose its best to give them their moment in the spotlight so we won't have to hear from them for a while).

Angered by a recent blow to their society coupled with only a marginal shimmer of grief from the global community has triggered Norway to literally 'let out the bears'.  The tragedy occurred at the Von Post glacier near Santa's pad, where a stray Polar Bear infiltrated the camp of the BRITISH!!! Schools Exploring Society killing an unnamed 17-year-old BRITISH!!! Youth.

Despite being warned about the potential of a fiasco the stubborn scientists dismissed the idea as "ludicrous" after a quick bought with the calculator.  Pandemonium ensued when the unexpected houseguest stumbled aimlessly onto the campsite causing uncertainty, disbelief and doubt at the nature of Mathematics.  It seems the Polar Bear had strayed there while allegedly out looking for some snacks and a 'bevvie'.  "We think he got lost in a sudden snow storm and ended up taking a wrong turn at Svalbard," said the Voice in my Head.

Upon entering the camp he was greeted with anger, abuse and a closed bar.  The accompanying barrage of scientific instruments and lack of manners became the last straw and caused the Polar Bear to, "Flip the fuck out and go stark raving bonkers.  He was cute and cuddly through binoculars but close up he was really scary," stated a second Voice.

The resulting attack left four people severely injured and one Youth, "Without life," claimed a distraught Survivor, "After that experience I can say for sure that everyone dreamt of polar bears that night."

The name of the dead chappie has yet to be released but a spokesperson from BSES said, "We don't want to tarnish the reputation of the deceased and create any unwanted grief for his parents by revealing his really funny name to the press but I can assure you it is hilarious.  We're talking piss yourself funny.  Okay it's Richard Harmless."

While being dragged from captivity the Polar Bear claimed, "AAAAAAARRRRRRHHHHH!!!"  Which run past a bear vocal specialist we believe to read, "I was just chillin' out looking for a brew when those damn pervy tourists who had been eyeing me up for the last four days started attacking me.  I was stuck on the ice for days and all those fuckers' did was point and giggle.  They took away my buzz so I took away their faces."

The tragedy is set to eclipse the Anders murderfest with the British Government demanding an apology. "We want an apology," bellowed Foreign Secretary William Hague, "If those daft cunts hadn't been sat around crying they may have been keeping a closer eye on those retarded children we sent them."