Michael McIntyre Attacks Digital Breasts

by Brutal Robbins

Critically acclaimed comedian, Michael McIntyre, 35, took to the London streets in fits of rage today after playing the latest ‘Dead Or Alive’ video game.  Originally spectators suspected that McIntyre’s display was attributed to the level of violence within the game but when questioned about his outburst, McIntyre revealed his issues were much closer to the heart than anyone could have predicted.

“Have you seen the breasts on the women in these video games?” He asked our reporter, “Not only are they preposterously disproportionate but the game contains a physics element that causes their breasts to bounce around in the most unrealistic manor, it’s disgusting.”

“Now let me make my point clearer,” McIntyre went on to say, “I have absolutely no problem with films or video, computer games portraying women as objects of sexual purpose. But when a dirty, sun deprived game developer somewhere in Japan alters the illusion by over exaggerating a woman’s breast movements, it’s going to do nothing but damage.”

When asked what ‘damage’ he was predicting would be caused by the computer games ‘Jiggle Physics’, the Britain’s Got Talent judge had this to say. “It’s a matter of bodily functions,” he digressed, “These kind of video games attract the attention of thousands of pubescent boys and we all know what they think about all the time."

Well imagine if you will a young lad.” At this time McIntyre paused for a considerable amount of time with a look on his face that our reporter interpreted as eager anticipation and excitement before clearing his throat and continuing. “As I said, bodily functions. A young teenager is playing the ‘Dead or Alive’ video, computer game and he can’t help but notice the gigantic breasts wobbling all over the screen in front of him.”

“He’s going to get excited, he can’t help it,” the comedian explains, “And when a lad of that particular age gets excited, well you know what happens, things get messy. And when that happens to a controller, well, lets just say it wont be able to ‘control’ very much after a good dowsing.”

“Those controllers are very expensive,” McIntyre cursed, “My controller is completely destroyed now, broken beyond repair, and its all because I was playing this forsaken game. I’m furious.”

McIntyre intends to take this further according to the following message posted on his Twitter this afternoon, “Look out for a free comedy show coming later this month to put a stop to the ‘DOA’ breasts. It will be called ‘Giggle to stop Jiggle.”

For all of those interested, tickets can be obtained by visiting www.stop-jiggle.co.uk