Doctor Who Found In Hampshire Cupboard

by Shaky Parkinson

Fans of the long running debacle that is Doctor Who will be wetting themselves to the discovery of two missing episodes in a private collection in Hampshire.  Terry Burnett bought the prints at a school fete thirty years ago and until an encounter with Head of Heritage at the Radio Times, Ralph Montagu, was unaware of the goldmine he was sat on.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" commented Burnett in a phone interview, "I've been struggling with the rent for years and I haven't eaten anything except baked beans on toast for several.  They haven't lost their appeal but I could really go for a cheeseburger.  With this windfall I might be able to get myself three or even four Big Macs."

The prints that date back to 1965 and 1967 will help fill the gaps in a number of scattered plots such as why was the show recommissioned and the creative motivation behind a time travelling Police Box.  "One of these episodes was the second in a four part serial that has until now been greeted with confusion and more confusion," claimed Terry Peckins, a loner from Stratford, "These episodes are the missing links all us fans have been waiting for to create some understanding as to why we have wasted our lives watching such an outdated over budgeted load of crap.  Finally we'll have answers."

It seems fans might have to wait a little longer for the release as negotiations between Burnett and the BBC move into their fifteenth day.  "It'll cost 'em," chuckled Burnett, "So far we are stuck on £800,000 and a free License Fee for life but I'm pushing for a million and that's still only half the budget for the last series so we're all winning."

The missing Fish People in all
their technical brilliance 

Either way it seems the television show will be hitting even higher ratings than before when the new episodes are broadcast while the amount of news coverage has brought forth other collectors from hiding.  "I've got ten complete unaired series of Crossroads that I found in a bin outside Jane Rossington's house if anyone wants them," claimed hermit, Joe Whereabouts.

"My prized possession is a lost episode of Coronation Street," claims archivist Polly Pocket, "It's the one where Deirdrie and Gale get bludgeoned to death by Ken Barlow but are miraculously saved when a world famous brain surgeon nips into the Rover's for a quick pint.  It was discarded when the producer's decided to go with the Richard Hillman storyline as they thought it would be what the audience wanted.  I've been quoted huge prices but it is staying on the mantelpiece with my Eldorado prints and my Robert Kilroy Silk cutout from Shafted."

It is thought the lost episodes will be airing on Christmas day and are expected to generate over ten billion viewers.