"We Did It. We Fucking Did It".

by Shaky Parkinson

America's struggle for a Middle Eastern flag show has at last come to an end and been rewarded with success.  American forces were forced into armed action when their petition for a flag parade was denied nine years ago.  Since then there has been 4,000 American causalities along with hundreds of billions of civilian deaths.  The highlight of the conflict came when flag hater Saddam Hussein was killed in 2006, yet that didn't see an end to the bloodshed.

It has taken the Americans and no one else a further five years of petitions and attacks to secure their desired end.  "This is a special day," claimed first lieutenant flag bearer Jimmy Wave of Idaho, "Damn today is special, we did it, we fucking did it."

"It's been a struggle," spoke Barack Obama in a conference earlier today, "Damn it's been a struggle, but we did it, we fucking did it.  No one will ever live in fear of waving a flag around again.  Things will never be the same again.  Fuck yeah."

"This has been a long time coming," claimed General Dennis Leader, "We thought we had it back in o-6 when we hung that bastard and his tunnelling shenanigans.  I remember our flag being brought out and placed on his toppled statue and by fuck it looked good, but five minutes later it was gone and until today we've dreamed of showing it off properly."

Despite the apparent success of the operation in Iraq there has been criticism.  "This parade has cost our country trillions of dollars and frankly it's sloppy," claimed political critic John A. Noid, "I'm all for a good parade but the lack of professionalism and motivation behind the ceremony seems to have gone by unnoticed.  The twirls were lacking and frankly made a mockery of our entire nation and I'm sure I saw a mustard stain on the flag.  I'm very very very upset but at least we did it, we fucking did it."

"There's been sacrifices that's true," continued Obama, "There's been death, trouble, more death, but if that isn't worth fighting for then the word loses all meaning."

Whatever the future holds for flag parades in the Middle East it is clear that this venture has proven wildly successful and it is thought that when the global economy has stabilised another flag parade will be planned.