Beginner's Luck Fundamental In Winning Euromillions

by Shaky Parkinson

Have you ever dreamt of being rich?  Of course you have.  But unlike Cassey Carrington and Matt (no 'hew') Topham you won't be winning a £45million Euromillions Jackpot because you've been playing it far too often.

After receiving a 'Lucky bonus' at work Cassey was in the throws of jubilation when she purchased her sixth Euromillions ticket before coming up trumps and winning Tuesday's motherload.  "I think it definitely helped being new to the idea of random number selection," stated Cassey in a press interview, "If I'd gotten bogged down in the numbers game there's no way I'd have won.  Now I can buy a boat and get sea sick."

It appears that the increasing number of undeserving players winning the jackpot is leading strategists to recommend abandoning the game after your tenth play.  We harassed Dr. Painswick of Lancashire University, "We've calculated that beginner's luck can only last for a maximum of ten Euromillion plays. After that you become just another player and cannot benefit from a fluke victory as your fellow player is no longer able to bestow you with anger or jealousy at your win.  I've been playing from the start and I've won jack shit.  I wish I'd spent more years doing my research than watching the lottery results, then maybe I wouldn't be in this boring mess."

"I had a feeling I was going to win," continued the flukester Cassey, "I know everyone says that but statistically I'm right, that's why I'm going to use part of the money to train my mental abilities.  To be honest I'm chuffed to pieces."

Balls.

Husband to be Matt couldn't contain his excitement or spending plans, "First I want to buy a jet, then another one because that's how you have to do it.  Then maybe a few cars, a mansion and then pursue my music or something and I've got to get me a copy of Battlefield 3, that shit is whack.  No lies, I'm the luckiest man on the fucking planet."

He continued, "I think it's all about chance.  I don't even know what a Eurothingy is but I'm not complaining.  I'm in love, rich and can finally free my facial hair from ridicule."

The fluke victory comes just three weeks after some other people from the UK also won the jackpot thus backing up the theory propagated in this piece.  "Now that the Euromillions is effectively pointless," cited Dr. Painswick, "We'll have to come up with something else to take its place.  I'm thinking about an elaborate skill based numbers guessing game that only rewards players who have poured tears into the game.  Almost like a Mortgage or a savings account.  No matter what, we have to curb this filthy habit of undeserving gamers winning my money."