"It's Not Our Fault Today's Youth Are Useless."

by Shaky Parkinson

Tired Deputy PM Nick Clegg
"I have a gun in my pocket,
it's that easy."

The Government has once again been beaten into a corner after trying to teach young people the trait of responsibility after work experience sanctions were today dropped amid vicious attack.  A number of charities and business' decided to take the misguided moral high ground by claiming the proposed scheme to get people into work was nothing but 'Unpaid Labour'.

"It's not our fault that Today's Youth are useless.  It's yesterday's Government," chuckled Prime Minister David Cameron, "There are jobs everywhere, EVERYWHERE!  If employers cannot find suitable people to employ don't you think that hints towards a youth that are simply useless?  This is just a step up program, which has yet to be criticised for its success.  Wouldn't you rather have out of work people earning their benefits as opposed to clogging up the servers of my Xbox Live?"

Despite the Government's best efforts to do anything, criticism has once again reared its nosey face to have a whinge and put across its own personal and superior argument.  "It's disgraceful," claimed Greggs CEO George Pasty, "We won't participate in a scheme where people aren't paid, although we're happy to announce ten new branches to be opening nationally next week."

"They aren't working for free, we keep giving them loads of money.  We don't have to but we do, so a bit of gratitude on their part is much appreciated," continued the PM, "Besides, there are some that actually enjoy being in a working environment, just because they aren't getting paid doesn't mean shit.  I think 8 weeks of reasonably gentle stock adjusting is a good trade for six years of financial freedom."

Some very passive and levelheaded
man who opposes the stuff.

"Any employer that would willingly accept free labour are scumbags," claimed mother Kathy Bates (Not that one), "Why can't all these huge and no doubt financially stable business' pay for my daughter to mess up their shops.  It's scum and a disgrace."

The PM tried again, "There isn't even any obligation for benefit claimers to participate in the first place and now if they display a lack of discipline they are fucking rewarded.  You do understand this lack of motivation and knowledge that the state will pay for your 367inch plasma screens is what caused us to instigate the scheme in the first place.  If that's what you want then bring on the Zombie Nation but don't expect anything with as lasting quality as Kernkraft 400."

"Frankly I think the scheme is horrid," cited local business owner Deborah Twat, "I like my young staff to be fully paid and inept.  Anything else is just a mockery to the system."

Cake!

"You whinge about people mooching off the state so we try and change it and what do you fucktards do, you fucking whinge.  If you want to bring about self destruction we've got a lot of nukes stored up, it'll only take a few minutes to bring about our total ruin, or is that too long?"

The debate is set to continue as they always do and News Guff is proud to vacate the frontline in favour of a doughnut break and Emmerdale.