Man Loses Washing, And Belief In Humanity

by Shaky Parkinson

The unruly weather has today claimed it's third victim.  Mr. Mctavish of Dunbar, East Lothian was shocked to discover that upon returning home after a quick pasty his yearly washing had been caught up in a sudden storm and whisked from its securely pegged home and flung into the nearby vicinity.

"It was a shock and that's no mistake, I can tell ya'," he claimed, "I was strolling up the pathway outside the house and I knew sommit were wrong.  I caught the tail end of a wishful gust and me pasty went northward.  By the time I got to the garden there was nothin' left."

It seems Mr. McTavish's clothing has been reported as landing as far away as Spain and a flurry of pants have been sighted heading North across eight counties.  "That's the whole lot gone," sobbed McTavish, "All I've got left are my dreams and I'm scared to hang them up again.  I've never felt so helpless."

Mr. McTavish is not the only person to suffer from the gale force winds.  There have been reports of blown over patio furniture and damaged Christmas lights throughout the country.  "It's a disgrace," claimed one Disgrace, "They need to sort this out.  That barbecue was was proper expensive and top range and now I've got nothing but some broken tongs.  I'm really not happy about this."

Local charity Mittens For Victims have agreed to donate a complete wardrobe, including draws, to Mr. McTavish in a bid to help him through these troubling times but he has not been since he nipped to the shops for some sticky tape.  This mysterious disappearance came at the same time Superman was spotted hanging low over Prestonpans and it is hoped he has arrived just in time to stop another shed from collapsing another hobby shop.