Power To The Person

by Shaky Parkinson

After a prompt by three-and-a-half-year-old Lily Robinson, supermarket giant Sainsbury's have renamed their popular 'Tiger Bread' after her instance that the pattern of the crust better resembles that of a giraffe.  Lily's up front tactics sparked a riot of action from the online community and Sainbury's have had no choice but to bow to pressure and implement the change.

"It's a big day in the fight for correctly named things," claimed Lily, "It doesn't take a four-year-old to realise that the identifying marks of a tiger look nothing like Sainsbury's so called 'Tiger bread'.  This is just another case of the worker's and the people getting screwed over and forced to accept the fat cats idiotic ideals."

"Now now, the decision to change the name of the bread was due to common sense," claimed a Sainsbury's Spokeshuman, "We did some research at the local library and we did find that the bread has a closer resemble to the markings on a giraffe and we are happy that Lily pointed this out to us.  The change has been implemented instantly and we have sent Lily a £3 gift voucher as thanks."

Lily's protest letter.

"It's all public relations bullshit," continued political activist Kingston Voit, "What were they going to say, no?  Think of the mess they'd be in by snubbing a baby.  We took those fuckers to the cleaners and although there is still work to be done at least we can sleep knowing that bread is on the path to being correctly named.  We've signed up a few more infants to fight for the cause and they are already hitting the crayons to continue the fight."

We spoke to Chris King of Sainsbury's Customer Services who has since resigned and is now studying to become a Primary School Teacher.  "Once the action kicked off I had no choice but to leave.  I spent years infiltrating the company and we were waiting for the perfect time to strike.  It just shows that people have the power and that the snobs can go fuck themselves."

Despite initial interest in the change customers are finding the switch confusing, "I spent fifteen minutes arguing with my local supermarket that giraffe bread doesn't exist and frankly their attitude has just lost them a customer," claimed Mr. Con Fu Shun.

Proof used in court proceedings.

Mr. A. Putz took to the news with more anger, "I don't go in for that middle class wank.  A crust is a crust and that's all it'll be to me.  Now fuck off."

Lily and her organisation have not been without attack themselves.  Fifty-eight year old ecologist Dr. Kensley Pond has spent years fighting the organisation and their proposals.  "The bread may possibly resemble the skin of the giraffe but if you're going to pick hairs any true scientist will tell you that the markings are a direct match with those of the Amazonian Mothcat.  This is just another case of a radical faction causing trouble in a bid for attention."

Only time will tell if Sainsbury's multi-billion pound packaging refit for the new 'Giraffe Bread' will reveal itself as a success or a company crippling error.