To All Staff,
I've just gotten off the blower with my agent and he's booked us a cracking two week cruise around the mid-Atlantic, booze included but we'll have to bring our own loo roll. The boat leaves Portsmouth at a prompt 2pm so I expect you there no later than half-past. Below is a checklist of things to sort in the office before we go and bon voyage.
- Take up the rubbish.
- Call the asbestos guy.
- Call the asbestos asbestos guy.
- Renew all passports (I'm not spending another week in an Icelandic jail, the reception was cold).
- Turn off the cheese toastie machine.
- Probably best to turn everything off except the calendars.
- Wash the dog, at least he won't be too bad to clean when we get back.
- Feed the pigeons, tuppence a bag.
- Go to print.
- Locate my alarm clock, I'm sick of missing shuffleboard.
- Sort out Robbins' prescription, the pharmacy on board will be light at best and I don't want another Gibralta incident.
- Call the asbestos guy.
- Re-frost the freezer. We all know the tradition but frankly I seem to be the only one who cares. The man died for Christ's Sake!
- Call the asbestos guy.
Happy sailing,
Shaky P.
P.S. Robbins, if you get a chance take that damn leopard print bikini out of Jack's bag and burn it otherwise it'll be you who has to get him out of the brig. I'm still going through the motions from our '96 fishing trip to Utah so if anything goes wrong it's your turn to sort it out. That's why I'm making you his travel buddy so don't let him out of your sight even for a minute. And yes that even means when he's on the shitter, you know what he's like.
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