Man Invents Superior Water

by Shaky Parkinson

New miracle substance.

Local man Arthur Sack has momentarily stunned the scientific world with his discovery of superior water.  The new water is said to be better than normal water by offering the drinker more hydration, refreshment and clarity.

"I've been tinkering around with this for about a week," beamed Sack, "It's pretty easy when you think about it.   I simply added an extra number to change water from H2O into H3O to give it that extra kick.  The extra number makes it more oxidizing and stuff."

"This Sack."

Leading scientists were quick to criticise the discovery.  "We've all thought about super water," claimed biochemist Rebecca Plant, "But it is an impossible achievement.  First there's the ratification across all the scientific boards and then the copyrighting and as far as we can make out H3O already exists.  It's all about hydronium ions mixing with water and stuff, so this Sack can't possibly be telling the truth."

Undeterred Sack was keen to offer himself up for a press conference earlier this afternoon.  "My new super water is one better than normal water and three times better than Water from the Oxford basin or the continent.  It will make crops grow faster and taste better and the world will be a happier place all round."  

Sack's press conference.

When asked about his distribution plans Sack was not very forthcoming and refused to elaborate on his projects too much.  "The way I see it is like this.  We need to begin a hydroinstigated upgrade across all seven oceans with a long-term goal to have the entire globe running super water by 2024.  It's ambitious but then again this is an ambitious step for mankind.  That I came up with.  Me, a Sack, changing the world.  If only my dad could see me now, but the bugger refuses to go digital and hasn't used a telephone in over thirty years."

"He was sat on the toilet."

After the silence had abated journalists were quick to ask the question that was on everyone's lips, "How does super water actually work and how did you get the inspiration for it?"  Sack went onto explain that his discovery had come to him while he was sat on the toilet.  "This thought was even more profound than usual, I guess," he explained, "In a way I've been blessed with such knowledge and I plan to share my fluid with the world."

Sack was quick to establish to the press a fully signed distribution deal with Perrier in hopes that super water will be on the shelves by June.  Although which June was unspecified.