by Shaky Parkinson
Saturday evenings are set to take a turn for the fun with the launch of ITV's new game-show 'Gary Glitter's Sex Quiz'. The show features legendary rock n' roller Gary Glitter as he takes contestants on an insightful and entertaining journey through his sexual history and selected discography.
"Suspected kiddy fiddler is dead."
"According to our market research in today's Sun it is clear what the public want. Paedophiles," claimed ITV's Entertainment Commissioner, Kate Maddigan, "It seems any show that doesn't feature even a suspected kiddy fiddler is dead in the water. So what better way to cater to popular tastes than with a detailed look into the sexual history of one the 70's biggest entertainers. If we want to continue broadcasting through the recession we have to accept that touching kids is where the money is."
Today saw the show's pilot being filmed to a receptive audience. Various catchphrases such as 'Do you wanna win in my gang', 'Hello, Hell, I'm back again' and 'Do you wanna touch me, OH YEAH!' hit a positive tone with the audience as Glitter hit a firm stride in his presenting that left little doubt to his abilities.
"It went well out there today," claimed a post show Glitter, "I wasn't sure about the idea to begin with, but after we cracked the name everything seemed to come together. I think this show'll turn some heads, now if you'll excuse me I need to hit the Pepsi Max and chill."
"Clap Clap."
"Judging by today's upbeat atmosphere we think the quiz could easily knock Britain's Got Talent from the top of the ratings," continued Clap, "Clap followed clap throughout the recording, the sight was encouraging. Not only that but Gary is the perfect age for a late comeback and with such a successful track record we'd be silly not to launch an album off the back of the show."
Britain's Got Talent judge's Simon Cowell and Amanda Holden where outraged at the proposed competition they would soon be facing, while fellow judges Alesha Dixon and David Walliams embarked upon a nationwide molesting tour in a bid to boost popularity for the show. "By putting ourselves back at number one we can show the viewers that the only kind of touching that needs to be done is with our hearts," claimed Walliams, "There's a lot of talent out there and we want to get to know it."
"Disinterested by the show's content."
The general pubic were both happy, shocked, flabbergasted and disinterested by the show's content and host.
"It isn't natural," cited Glenn Spence of Carlisle, "Glitter's a singer not a presenter, this concept doesn't stand a chance."
"I'm sickened, literally," spewed Gladys Firth of Reigate, "BLUUUUUUUGHHH!!!"
"If he's covering the entire glam rock movement I'm in," John Milk of Exeter, "If not then I'm out."
"I love 'Rock and Roll Part Two' but that's as far as I'll take it," noted Pat from Bournemouth.
"This pathetic play for ratings is representative of the worst kind of television," claimed David Dunhill of Slough, "Shock tactics are FUCKING infantile. When will the media stop abusing the impressionable minds of their readers, viewers and listeners?"
Gary Glitter's Sex Quiz premieres this Saturday on ITV at 9 o'clock.
"Suspected kiddy fiddler is dead."
"According to our market research in today's Sun it is clear what the public want. Paedophiles," claimed ITV's Entertainment Commissioner, Kate Maddigan, "It seems any show that doesn't feature even a suspected kiddy fiddler is dead in the water. So what better way to cater to popular tastes than with a detailed look into the sexual history of one the 70's biggest entertainers. If we want to continue broadcasting through the recession we have to accept that touching kids is where the money is."
Today saw the show's pilot being filmed to a receptive audience. Various catchphrases such as 'Do you wanna win in my gang', 'Hello, Hell, I'm back again' and 'Do you wanna touch me, OH YEAH!' hit a positive tone with the audience as Glitter hit a firm stride in his presenting that left little doubt to his abilities.
"It went well out there today," claimed a post show Glitter, "I wasn't sure about the idea to begin with, but after we cracked the name everything seemed to come together. I think this show'll turn some heads, now if you'll excuse me I need to hit the Pepsi Max and chill."
"Clap Clap."
Britain's Got Talent judge's Simon Cowell and Amanda Holden where outraged at the proposed competition they would soon be facing, while fellow judges Alesha Dixon and David Walliams embarked upon a nationwide molesting tour in a bid to boost popularity for the show. "By putting ourselves back at number one we can show the viewers that the only kind of touching that needs to be done is with our hearts," claimed Walliams, "There's a lot of talent out there and we want to get to know it."
"Disinterested by the show's content."
The general pubic were both happy, shocked, flabbergasted and disinterested by the show's content and host.
"It isn't natural," cited Glenn Spence of Carlisle, "Glitter's a singer not a presenter, this concept doesn't stand a chance."
"I'm sickened, literally," spewed Gladys Firth of Reigate, "BLUUUUUUUGHHH!!!"
"If he's covering the entire glam rock movement I'm in," John Milk of Exeter, "If not then I'm out."
"I love 'Rock and Roll Part Two' but that's as far as I'll take it," noted Pat from Bournemouth.
"This pathetic play for ratings is representative of the worst kind of television," claimed David Dunhill of Slough, "Shock tactics are FUCKING infantile. When will the media stop abusing the impressionable minds of their readers, viewers and listeners?"
Gary Glitter's Sex Quiz premieres this Saturday on ITV at 9 o'clock.
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