by Shaky Parkinson
A mammoth carcass has been uncovered on the Taimyr Peninsula by 11-year-old boy Zhenya Salinder. The enormous body was discovered in late August in the town of Sopochnaya Karga on the Siberian coast and after a lengthy five day excavation news of the discovery has finally filtered through to the global media.
It is thought that the deceased giant animal was originally one of a living giant animal of the same species and had lain frozen in mud until it was uncovered by Zhenya while he was out walking his dogs. "It was really scary," claimed Zhenya, "I was playing at climbing when I saw this massive Mammoth like body lying in the mud. I doddled home and told my parents and they called up the scientists who came and took it out of the ground. It's soooo big, I hope it's a dinosaur."
"Answers to life."
The body of the unknown giant was taken to St. Petersburg Zoology Institute where it has been thawed, pawed and mauled in the hope it might reveal answers to the life of pre-historic man and indeed the enormous mammal itself.
"We know it's old," stated excavation team leader Alexei Tikhonov, "We dug it out of the ground so we're putting a date range of between one and thirty million years on it. Judging by the wounds we discovered we can safely say that this mammoth beast probably died at the hands of ice-age humans or that of a fellow monster, or simply because it could no longer live."
As of yet Tikhonov and his team have been unable to classify the creature due to insufficient evidence. "You know what science is like? For all we know it could be a fish," continued Tikhonov, "We've ruled out monster bacteria and the evidence of fur has lead us to determine that we aren't dealing with a snake. We also think the mystery of the large protruding curved bones shows that the animal was heavily accessorized for the time and a notion like that puts fashion and also sensical history into all sorts of uproar. This really is a mammoth find."
"Assumptions that need filling."
In a second press conference Tikhonov's colleague Sergei Gorbunov of the International Mammoth Committee claimed, "My colleagues have made a mammoth mistake. The mammoth carcass that we have been studying is clearly that of a Mammoth carcass. The accessories or tusks as they are otherwise known clearly back up this classification and in my opinion this only leaves us with the job of uncovering just how this particular Mammoth can contribute to our knowledge of his or hers species. From what we already guess Siberian Mammoth's were more cunning than regular Mammoth's by using mud to disguise themselves against pestilence and even mammother creatures but there are always massive gaps in our assumptions that need filling."
Tikhonov and his team will continue with their research well into the next year when their final conclusions will be published. In the meantime we are left to speculate why Zhenya Salinder has yet to receive even a bag of sweets for his part in keeping this team of science men in work for another year.
It is thought that the deceased giant animal was originally one of a living giant animal of the same species and had lain frozen in mud until it was uncovered by Zhenya while he was out walking his dogs. "It was really scary," claimed Zhenya, "I was playing at climbing when I saw this massive Mammoth like body lying in the mud. I doddled home and told my parents and they called up the scientists who came and took it out of the ground. It's soooo big, I hope it's a dinosaur."
"Answers to life."
The body of the unknown giant was taken to St. Petersburg Zoology Institute where it has been thawed, pawed and mauled in the hope it might reveal answers to the life of pre-historic man and indeed the enormous mammal itself.
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| Artist's guess at what the creature looked like while living. |
"We know it's old," stated excavation team leader Alexei Tikhonov, "We dug it out of the ground so we're putting a date range of between one and thirty million years on it. Judging by the wounds we discovered we can safely say that this mammoth beast probably died at the hands of ice-age humans or that of a fellow monster, or simply because it could no longer live."
As of yet Tikhonov and his team have been unable to classify the creature due to insufficient evidence. "You know what science is like? For all we know it could be a fish," continued Tikhonov, "We've ruled out monster bacteria and the evidence of fur has lead us to determine that we aren't dealing with a snake. We also think the mystery of the large protruding curved bones shows that the animal was heavily accessorized for the time and a notion like that puts fashion and also sensical history into all sorts of uproar. This really is a mammoth find."
"Assumptions that need filling."
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| Tikhonov and Gorbunov pre dispute. |
Tikhonov and his team will continue with their research well into the next year when their final conclusions will be published. In the meantime we are left to speculate why Zhenya Salinder has yet to receive even a bag of sweets for his part in keeping this team of science men in work for another year.
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