Missing Persons: Garth Peak

by Shaky Parkinson

Garth Peak (Artist Impression)

Garth Peak, a 26-year-old Virgin Media Salesman from Swindon has been found missing after he failed to return home to his puppy on Thursday evening. Mr. Peak was last seen selling low rate, high quality broadband at only £15 a month with the first three months half price in St. Andrews Green cul-de-sac at 6.37pm.  His subsequent movements are unknown but it is thought Mr. Peak proceeded into the Shrivenham area where his automobile was found abandoned and raped in a siding off the B4000.

Peak's abandoned motorized sales vehicle.

Peak's family are asking the public for any information in locating a person his Mother describes as, "Adorable and loving as ever a person could wish to meet.  He had a roaring social life with a huge network of friends that were always up and about enjoying themselves at all the hottest clubs and discos.  He was loyal to his family and wouldn't stand for any rudeness or ineptitude and helped to keep those around him on the straight and narrow with ruthless love and care.  He loved his films and got a lot of work as Rutger Hauer's body double over at Shepperton.  I think that might have helped him with his job as the most successful salesman in the region.  He'd always come home with gifts for us after winning another bonus and for this and more we just want him back.  He is a pro-active, fierce advocate of life and you don't often find that in a person.  We're dead without him."

Police are urging the public to contact them on their dedicated missing persons line at 0800-123-456-789-10-11-12 hmmmmmmm-13-14-15.  News Guff will also be offering the prize of a day's supply of ham sandwiches to any information that leads to an arrest.