Dyslexic Fury At Paralympic Confusion

by Jack 'The Mac' Mack

Gavin Snell

The Olympic ticketing scandal rumbled on this week after a disgruntled dyslexic fan Gavin Snell realised he had been sold Paralympic tickets in error.  

"It was very confusing," he said in a statement, "I went online to buy tickets for the 400 meter final, the website wasn’t user friendly but I saw the word ‘Lympics in the title so I assumed I was in the right section. Anyway I clicked on the link and away I went."

"I myself jog."

His excitement turned to anger however when he arrived at the Olympic park. He continued; "I’d covered myself in all the crap you’re supposed to wear; I had a GB flag as a kilt and a bowler hat. I suppose I should have twigged when everyone in the stadium was talking about how inspiring it was but I thought they were just referring to the athletic prowess on display. I myself jog at least once a fortnight to collect my Sunday paper as it’s inspired me to do more. The Sunday paper is heavier so it’s a better workout but I digress."

Things turned sour as events got underway. Snell described how his excitement turned to dismay; "I saw Oscar Pistorius come out which I was expecting but then all these other people came out on blades as well. Then someone said that they weren't his family, they were fellow athletes. I was sure that this was just a mistake so I watched for twenty minutes but after that realisation dawned. I’m furious and upset."

"They said I’d paid."

Naturally Snell’s first reaction was to demand a refund but his outrage increased further when this was confused.  "They said I’d paid for the event and turned up so I wasn’t entitled to a refund. I’m taking this to the European Court of Human Rights. My lawyer from Silly Sea Sun and partners says I’ve got a case." 

The Paralympics were unable for comment so this reporter decided to struggle on with the dilemma of how to label losing teams in the Paralympics as inspirational after such bitter sweet defeat.  "I've lost my faith in humanity," concluded Snell, "The illusion's been shattered and raped."